Warrior's Heart: Why raising your hand during emotional times is hard

History of Service

21 years ago, in July of 1999, I raised my right hand as I took an oath of allegiance to the US Constitution, the United States of America and the United States Army, as a cadet candidate at the United States Military Academy Preparatory School at Ft. Monmouth, NJ. A year later I would enter the United States Military Academy at West Point, NY and raise my hand once again. I have raised my hand numerous times as I was sworn into various ranks, duty assignments and most recently into my current job as a detective in New Jersey. I was a member of a Narcotics Task Force and a breacher on the County Regional SWAT Team. Standing 6’5” and weighing 300 pounds, with a shaved head, a Viking-like beard and tattoos on my arms, one would think by looking at me, nothing could or would hurt me. In reality, I was broken on the inside. I had battled depression, anxiety and alcoholism for years. I felt that I didn’t need help and could do this on my own. I felt that I was strong enough to handle my situation. I was also in fear of my chain-of-command finding out about the “real me” and removing me from the task force and more importantly the team which I loved so much. That exact thinking led to my downfall and eventually my rock bottom.

As warriors, we have raised our right hands and have sworn to protect and serve our country and our communities. We have volunteered for a life of selfless service and would not think twice about giving our own lives to save that of another. Mental health issues are not only real, but are challenges that can be overcome with the right approach, and it all starts with RAISING YOUR HAND.

Journey to Recovery Begins

On Dec. 25, 2018, I had my last alcoholic drink and two days later, my wife called the police after an argument we had and I stormed out of the house emotional and crying. I later wrote her a text saying “I love you, I’m sorry; you’re not going to have to deal with me anymore.”Later that day, I found myself sitting in a hospital awaiting admission into Warrior’s Heart, which is a treatment facility specifically designed to meet the needs of active duty military, veterans and first responders, the only one of its kind in the country. My life had become unmanageable.My first day of recovery was Jan. 1, 2019, the day I entered Warrior’s Heart.

By this time, my chain of command got wind of my situation. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I let myself down, my department down, my teammates down and more importantly my family down. My depression was at an all-time high. I was stuck in a hospital, which I felt I didn’t belong in and was surrounded by people I never would associate with.How was I feeling in the days and months that led me to being admitted into a hospital? I felt hopeless, a strange feeling that no one would ever want to work with me. I felt that I would never be promoted. I felt that my career was dead in the water.I was in fear of losing my job and my family. My anxiety was at an all-time high. I felt that everyone in my department hated me, including everyone on the team, and even my own partner and my family. I didn’t know where to turn. I was embarrassed and I felt I was weak for being in this situation. I felt ALONE.

Natural Reactions and Impact of Trauma

What I described are all common feelings and emotions that every single service member, veteran and first responder who battles the diseases of addiction, depression, anxiety and PTSD feels on a daily basis. The feeling of worthlessness and self-pity overtake your mind and play games with you. I am here to tell you that these feelings are a natural response to these situations. I am here to tell you that it’s OK to not feel OK. It’s OK to raise your hand.

As warriors, we have to deal with people at the worst times of their lives. We have to deal with the worst that society has to offer. We see the evil in the world on a daily basis. We are victims of either direct trauma or vicarious trauma on a daily basis. Our line of work will affect you both positively and negatively over the course of your career. It is important to take care of your mind just as much as you take care of your body. Our lives also depend on our mental fitness, but for some reason it is not as important to members of the military and first responders as our physical health because we can’t see it. It’s not tangible.

Our minds are what drive us. It is our central processing unit. We are tasked with making split-second decisions, which can ultimately lead to life or death on a daily basis. In order to make those sound split-second decisions, our minds must be operating at the highest level and must be clear. If we are carrying around all those repressed traumatic events, they will eventually lead to our minds and our bodies breaking down. It is the “mind-body” connection. We become short-tempered, angry, overly aggressive, act out in ways that are uncharacteristic of ourselves, engage in dangerous behavior and take unnecessary risks.In other words, we develop maladaptive coping skills.It is estimated that 85% of first responders have experienced symptoms related to mental health issues and 84% of first responders say that they have experienced a traumatic event in the course of their duties. But only 34% of those first responders have received a formal diagnosis with a mental health disorder.It is important as warriors that we process this trauma so we can be better at our jobs and more importantly better for our families.

Smash the Stigma

How can we process this trauma, you ask? By breaking the stigma, raising our hands and asking for help. But why is it so hard for us to raise our hands. According to a Harris Poll which was conducted in February 2017, 39% of first responders say that there are negative repercussions for individuals who seek mental health treatment at work. Of that 39%, 55% say that their supervisor will treat them differently if they bring up their mental health at work, 45% say that their co-workers will perceive them as being weak and 34% say that they will be passed up for promotion if they bring up these concerns.

We need to overcome and smash these stigmas. In my case I had these same fears and anxiety. But I was blessed to have a chain-of-command and a chief who understood—who got it. My chief ensured me that after my treatment I would still have a job. He further went on to say that no one would hold my personal issues against me. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I finally was at ease. I was able to concentrate on rebuilding myself. I was able to concentrate on making myself a better person for myself, so I can be of maximum service to my department and more importantly my family.

Putting in the Work

The next step is putting in the work. We as warriors love to work. While in our jobs we are always looking to do work. I often would use work as a way to escape my reality and keep my mind focused on other things rather than on the things that were bothering me. So why don’t we put in the work into bettering ourselves?

At first, I was reluctant to put that work in. I only wanted to pick and choose what I wanted to work on in my life. First was the alcoholism. I was able to put down the drink, but I never addressed the underlying issues that caused the alcoholism. I was afraid to become vulnerable. I was afraid to feel uncomfortable. Once I was able to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable was when the real work began. With the help of therapists and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy I was able to “Touch the Dragon” and get to the root causes of my problems and process them.

Upon my return to work, I was a little nervous and hesitant as to how I would be received. I quickly remembered the Serenity Prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” With this in mind, I knew that I didn’t have control over my chain of command and my colleagues’ view of me. So I didn’t let it bother me. What I do have control over are my own actions. In work as in my personal life I would keep doing the next right thing, no matter what it was. Through my positive actions over time, I was able to change the way my co-workers viewed me and I was able to regain their trust.

As you can see, this journey for me has been a battle but it is not an impossible battle. It can be won with the combination of the right therapy, the right work ethic and the right mindset. I challenge you now to be selfish in your recovery. Put yourself ahead of everything else and take that step to raise your hand. You owe it to your organization, department, co-workers, friends and family to be a better person, be a better soldier, and to be a better officer. But most importantly, you owe it to YOURSELF!

By Bradford Waudby

Lollipop cop to the rescue: Make community policing out #1 priority

For the last few years, law enforcement in this country has seen some major changes with policies and procedures. Some of these changes were long overdue, and police officers have made major strides to build a stronger bond within the community. We all know that some bad police officers will get through the background investigation and be hired by an agency. Unfortunately, one bad police officer can ruin the reputation of a department and sometimes the entire nation. We can no longer allow “bad apples” in our profession and need to aggressively run them out. The news and media outlets can’t wait for something negative to happen to law enforcement. Sometimes they don’t wait and make up a story that will never be disproved.

Today, our brothers and sisters in Blue have a lot to deal with. Some are retiring early and others are just going through the motions. It’s sad the silent majority doesn’t seem to care about what happens to police officers. However, we need to stand together and do whatever possible to keep our profession strong and build on regaining the trust of the people who rely on us every day.

Before retiring, my department spearheaded a community policing initiative that was designed to provide for local youth in town. Here are some pictures of Lollipop doing the great things they do. We hosted a meeting and got all the leaders from the police, fire, schools and various other community groups together. After the meeting we formed a coalition and agreed to have free quarterly community events. This coalition’s goal was to work together on all community projects and help each other throughout the year. This group did some great things together and built a strong bond within the police and the community.

Personally, I feel community policing needs to become a priority in modern-day policing. Police officers desperately need to be able to work with community leaders and have the full support of the public again. Obviously, this isn’t an easy task and some police officers will probably resist this. Our brothers and sisters in Blue need to understand that if we don’t make changes within the community then our profession will go through some harder times. Current training is boring, and most officers just can’t wait to sign off on it so they can go back to duty. We need more realistic hands-on training that involves real-life situations and relevant speakers that can make a positive difference in officer’s lives.

If we don’t attempt to bridge the gap between the police and community, things will only deteriorate more and the police will no longer be the respected profession it once was as in the past. I really wish things were different and people saw us as the “sheepdog” who is the first to put our life on the line; but they are not any longer and we need to continue to do whatever it takes to protect our communities moving forward.

Michael D. Boll is a retired police sergeant in NJ. He previously served as a United States Marine and is a Gulf War veteran. He is the founder of Operation Rebound Racing Team, a nonprofit organization that helps wounded veterans and first responders enjoy a better quality of life.

A Cultural War: Giving an Inch on Campus- Political Correctness is destroying Academia

The phrase give an inch and they will take a mile means making small concessions to someone will allow that person to take advantage of you in a much larger way.

Wouldn’t you know it? When the West Virginia University Chief of Police W.P. Chedester had a Thin Blue Line flag displayed on a wall in the background during a recent hour-long video conversation on diversity, equity and inclusion on campus, many students and professors alike organized a protest and took a position that this “clearly communicates especially to our Black students, Indigenous students and other students of color that their lives do not matter and they are not welcome here.” Media reports referred to the flag as a “Blue Lives Matter flag.”

Captain William P. “W.P.” Chedester II (photo credit: WVU Photo)

In a statement released by Chedester, he said the flag was given to him as a gift. “For me personally, it has always represented a way to honor the commitment I made as a first responder to protect our community. I understand now that it represents something else to many others; something that I now know was traumatic to some of our community tuning in for our conversation. I sincerely did not have any intent to suggest that police lives matter more than black lives, nor was I intentionally trying to cause any harm or offense. Sometimes, there are events that occur that open our eyes to things we have not seen before. The horrible killing of George Floyd has made it clear that we have much work to do in our country and in our own communities. Today I saw a symbol through others’ eyes. As a leader on our campus, I will be more conscientious, intentional and thoughtful. As a community, we also need to lead in that direction” the statement said.

So instead of standing up for the diversity, equity and inclusion of his officers and agency, by instead relenting and removing this flag, open debate and dialogue on different points of view have been stymied and replaced by even more demands.

(Photo Credit: Shutterstock)

The Solidarity for Equality and Compassion (SEC) of West Virginia University has now called for the campus police department to be defunded and effectively disbanded, sending a petition to West Virginia University President E. Gordon Gee, stating those demands, and saying those funds should be reallocated to fund black university initiatives.

The petition lays out a five-step plan that is “needed to provide a safe and open university for students to attend from West Virginia, the U.S. and all over the world.”

1. Prohibit Confederate flags and symbols on all public spaces of the University.

2. Disarm University Police. Having officers work under the campus name who carry firearms does not create a welcoming and inclusive space, especially for black, Indigenous, and people of color students and visitors.

3. Require yearly bias and sensitivity training, as well as bi-annual town halls with the campus police so students and faculty can voice any issues, complaints and queries.

4. Re-route a portion of the policing budget to aid in the mental and social welfare of students, particularly to the Carruth Center and the WVU Division of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.

5 .Foster a working relationship with the Morgantown Police Department for any calls needing armed backup, as well as sporting and entertainment event backup.

An official statement by the university reads in part: “Black Lives Matter at West Virginia University, and we are committed to ensuring that all are respected and welcome on our campus. We are strongest together, and together we can stand against intolerance.”

So where is all of this heading? Silencing competing views is not the answer. I say that, in fact, Black lives matter, blue lives matter, history matters and freedom to express our views and discuss our similarities and differences in a civil and decent way matters, too. We must be able to engage in what some will find to be difficult but possibly enlightening conversations. Isn’t that what freedom of speech and education is supposed to be all about?

Officers at West Virginia University or elsewhere must not be sacrificial lambs on the altar of “political correctness” as police chiefs fail to defend lawful enforcement operations and stand their ground on freedom of expression, thought and debate. Lack of leadership and failure to speak truth must not be deciding factors in the future of our profession, university and college campuses or our nation which has been built on our Constitution, freedoms and the rule of law.

Joel E. Gordon is a former Field Training Officer with the Baltimore City Police Department and is a past Chief of Police for the city of Kingwood, West Virginia. He has also served as vice-chair of a multi-jurisdictional regional narcotics task force. An award winning journalist, he is author of the book Still Seeking Justice: One Officer's Story and founded the Facebook group Police Authors Seeking Justice. Look him up at stillseekingjustice.com

Law enforcement - The can’t-miss profession

Law enforcement is the only profession where you have to be right from the minute you take the oath of office until you sign your name to receive your pension. It is an unattainable expectation that is not found in some of the most scholarly professions known to man.

Let’s look into what makes our profession a dying breed and something not desired by the current working class. With only six months of training, the cop is a professional driver, lawyer, firearm expert, psychologist, judge, social worker, mental health expert and all while balancing the ultimate responsibility of possibly having to take a life in a split second.

Each of those titles requires many years of schooling and mentoring in addition to practical experience where the one undertaking them is afforded the time and luxury of mistakes. The lawyer can lose the case and keep his license, the doctor can lose a patient on an operating table with no critiques, and the person who has been driving for years can crash and chalk it up to an unfortunate accident. The psychologist can provide advice based on trained methods but bears no real responsibility for the patient’s final demise.

The police officer, on the other hand, has to be right 100 percent of the time on every decision or face immediate drastic consequences and endure an “after the fact” perspective by a group that has no concept of the immense pressure a police officer faces to be right 100 percent of the time.

History has taught us that this is an unachievable expectation dating back to biblical times. How can we expect our police officers to be right all the time? Then society turns its back on them when they don’t meet expectations.

We need to start recognizing the signs of dismay and the stigma that is associated with the despair in policing of modern society. We are treating our cops with a growing negative discourse that is largely unfair. We are ignoring all the signs of self-destruction and asking them despite this to do more with less - Less pay, less appreciation, less self-motivators, less respect and less personal growth. We talk down to them, we disrespect their oath to protect and serve all while still calling them to help us in a time of need. There are two parallel paths that cannot and will not be sustained.

What is society going to do when we call 911 and the phone continues to ring and ring with the silence of the past? What is society prepared to do when the weak can no longer be protected and the predators feast on the same society that condemns our heroes? Finally, what is society going to do when the once-heralded police officer no longer answers to the inherent call for good to protect against evil because society has blurred the line between the two?

Let’s stop stigmatizing our police officers with unrealistic expectations and come to the realization that we answered a higher calling for the sanctity of life. In the end we are the fathers, mothers, sons and daughters who make up the same community you live in. We worship the same God, we value the same morals and beliefs, we get dressed the same way, and we laugh and cry at the same trials and tribulations as you. Give us what we need, the support of humanity.

Christopher Gialanella is a 23-year police veteran currently holding the rank of police captain in the Special Operations Division. He holds degrees in criminal justice and Homeland Security. Chris is the owner of Wide Eye Security Systems—a private security consulting company focusing on the need for innovative solutions pertaining to real-time security issues. Chris is son of a cop who grew up in the industry and has dedicated his life to protecting those who can’t protect themselves. Follow him on Twitter @GGialanella

Remembrance of Office Anthony Dia: "Tell my family I love them."

Toledo Police Officer Anthony Dia was looking forward to finishing his shift and spending the afternoon with his family at a July 4th cookout. Shortly after midnight, Officer Dia responded to a call to check on the well-being of an individual causing a disturbance in a parking lot where a local car show had been held. Just as he arrived on scene and located the suspect, the man pulled a gun and fired a single shot that struck the officer in the chest just outside his body armor. Though mortally wounded, Officer Dia was able to draw his service weapon and return fire. The gunman fled the scene and later took his own life. Anthony Dia keyed his radio which captured his final heartbreaking transmission: “Tell my family I love them”. Not long after... he was gone.

Two hours before he was killed, Officer Dia was asked to pose for a photo with two young boys who were excited to meet a real-life police officer. They were able to see the inside of his patrol car, and he even let them hit the lights and sirens. Officer Anthony Dia was a two-year veteran of the Toledo Police Department and leaves behind a wife and two children. He was 26 years old.

Jonny Castro was a police officer, forensic composite artist, U.S Army Combat Veteran for OIF 2/3 and a portrait of heroes that were killed in the line of duty.

The Oklahoma City Bombing Hits 25 Year Anniversary

The Oklahoma City Bombing Hits 25 Year Anniversary: Exclusive Interview- Retired Oklahoma City Firefighter Chris Fields, featured in the iconic image of the rescue effort, talks to Blue Magazine about his struggle with PTSD

By: Eddie Molina

As the Covid-19 headlines news coverage everywhere, it’s easy to forget other important events. April 19th marked the 25- year anniversary of the worst domestic act of terrorism America has ever seen- the Oklahoma City Bombing.

The iconic image of Chris Fields, pictured above, holds a one year old during rescue operations. Charles Porter IV/ ZUMA Press

On April 19th, 1995, domestic terrorists Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols- motivated by anti-government sentiment- conspired, coordinated and executed a truck bombing attack of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in downtown Oklahoma City. 168 people were killed, hundreds more injured and countless emotional scars were permanently pressed upon the American people.

In the minutes and hours following the devastating attack, dozens of search and rescue teams scoured the debris in hopes of finding survivors to get them desperately needed medical care. One of the first responders, Chris Fields, a now retired Oklahoma City firefighter, was captured in an iconic image carrying an infant- who unfortunately did not survive.

The Blue Magazine reached out to Chris to find out how that fateful, historic event impacted him and how it changed his life forever.

Blue: What was your role in the Oklahoma City bombing rescue effort?

Chris: I was a firefighter and among the first responders on scene searching for survivors.

How has that experience changed you as a person?

Chris: You think about it a hundred different ways and it all comes down to old cliché, you don’t take anything for granted. Every day I wake up and put my feet on the floor is another blessing. But I went through a lot of mental anguish afterwards. The photo was a catalyst for me to seek help for some unprocessed trauma I experienced. Back in those days, (1990’s) you just didn’t talk about it (stress) like you would now.

Were you diagnosed with PTSD?

Chris: Yes, I was. I was one of the ones who thought I was ‘too tough’ to get help. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I sought help. I went to a treatment facility with other first responders and that was a huge help. It taught us you’re no different than anybody else. Once I started dealing with the unprocessed trauma, I realized things became routine with our line of work, like seeing things that other people, like regular civilians, just don’t see and shouldn’t see, that we deal with on a routine basis.

What do you want to tell new Law Enforcement officers and first responders about the stress of the job?

Chris: Well, I can’t tell them, ‘you’re going to experience this, and you’re going to feel that’. Sometimes it can be an accumulation of events or just one single event that can lead a person to experience PTSD.  But in our line of work, you’re going to experience something traumatic. Just know that you are not alone- PTSD is a normal reaction. How you deal with it is up to you- some talk to a buddy, others need to seek professional help. Just don’t wait. There’s no reason trauma should cost you your career, your family, even your life.

Agreed. PTSD shouldn’t be ignored.

The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in downtown Oklahoma City. David Longstreath/ AP, File

Chris: Yeah, I got to the point where I hit rock bottom, where I didn’t care if I woke up the next day. I came close to where I just wanted to end it. But there are so many avenues out there for people who experienced trauma and it’s different for everybody, as well as different for how you deal with it.

What activities were you doing to cope with PTSD?

Chris: I really love golf and I enjoy being around people. I’m a social person and I found relief in being around others close to me.

What are some signs that someone might have a problem?

Chris: If there are activities or things that you enjoyed doing, and you no longer find joy in doing them, you might have a problem. And if you know that’s the case, and you’re not doing anything about it, believe me, other people will see it. Just go get the help you need. These are different times and it’s ok not to be ok.

Would you say that you’re fully cured of PTSD?

Chris: I would say yes, I am. I have my bad days but I go to the activities I enjoy doing. However, this year was the 25th anniversary of the bombing. I realized that Baylee, the baby I was holding in the photo, would have been 26 years old this year- for some reason that hit me hard.

Do you remember what emotions you were feeling when you found Baylee?

Chris: I do. A police officer handed me Baylee and I remember looking for a blanket to lay her on. At the time I had a two year- old son myself, and I remember thinking ‘wow, someone’s world is going to turn upside down’ and I was overcome with emotion since I had a son around Baylee’s age.

What advice do you want to give First Responders as they are responding to a scene where human casualties are expected?

Chris: First off, I’d say just let your training and adrenalin take over. But more important is what comes afterward. And to that I say, don’t punish yourself- don’t beat yourself up for the feelings and emotions you experience from it. Early on in my career, I chose pride and ego over getting help. I was more concerned with my reputation with my department over my own well-being and that of my family. If you need help, get help, there’s nothing wrong with that.

End of interview.

PTSD is a very serious First Responder issue that can have devastating effects if ignored. If any or all of Chris’ answers strike a chord with you, take that as a potential sign of PTSD.

Chris closed the interview by offering to help anyone struggling with PTSD. If that is the case, please send me an email, eddiemolina78@gmail.com, with your contact information and I can put you in touch with Chris. Remember, if you need help, get help.
For immediate assistance, contact:
CopLine: 1-800-267-5463, available for the United States and Canada.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Fire/EMS Helpline: 1-888-731-FIRE (3473).

Uncertainty The Road Ahead

Uncertainty The Road Ahead

By Daniel Del Valle, George Beck Ph.D., and Joel E. Gordon

We will overcome the coronavirus pandemic. That’s a fact. You can take that check to the bank. It will end and humanity will survive just like every other pandemic and plague that's affected mankind; we will continue forward. But what will the road ahead look like for law enforcement? How long will the current goodwill toward policing last before we are once again the enemy? 

In the aftermath of 9/11, recall the American flag waving at nearly every home and the constant admiration of officers who were placed in harm’s way—the endless thank yous for doing the job few wanted to do—the smiles and handshakes and appreciation were at all-time highs. Yet, it didn’t take long before we were the target of politicians and opportunists, boiling to the point of anti-police riots and assassinations of officers simply for the uniform they wore. In the days of the Ferguson riots, American flags were burned, and crowds shouted how they wanted dead cops now! Clearly, any sign of appreciation toward law enforcement had long evaporated. So why would anything be different this time? Will the aftermath of the coronavirus be an anomaly and the goodwill we are experiencing now last forever? That’s not only naïve to believe; it’s an irresponsible thought. 

It’s one thing to argue that people appreciate you when they need you. In other words, now, while everyone is quarantined and out of danger, the police are out there risking their lives for the safety of everyone, so they are not surprisingly appreciated and praised. But when this pandemic passes, and officers are no longer needed to take the risks others won't take, many of those same people who praised law enforcement have short memories. Then what happens? History shows us the goodwill toward officers dries up quickly and those old feelings of negative law enforcement sentiments are back on the opportunists' lips. 

But the aftermath of the COVID-19 will be more complicated. The truth is state and federal governments are spending and borrowing at record amounts never before seen. The cost of the response to the COVID-19 pandemic is unprecedented,  and the impending doom from a collapsed economy offers a grim future where all the doomsday folks stocking up on toilet paper and ammo may be correct. It’s the collateral damage that will be far higher than the destruction caused by the virus. The countless suicides and broken families and the loss of wealth and exploitation will be similar to the experiences felt during the Great Depression. Will we, as a society, get to a point where some cities start to look like post-apocalyptic wastelands? 

Inevitably law enforcement will be impacted on the road ahead. On what scale is yet to be determined, but plausibly hardships are on the horizon. In Baltimore, for example, the third most dangerous American city according to CBS News, the city recently offered its officers hazard pay, recognizing that they are putting themselves in extra unique danger. Now faced with a projected loss of $103 million for the fiscal year 2021, the city is attempting to recover “$11 million in savings from personnel spending.” Not only did the city decide to take that hazard pay back, but it’s also now asking for even more from its officers and has offered three options for Baltimore Police to consider accepting: 

Option 1 - Freeze all salaries at the FY20 amount and forgo collectively bargained raises. This option would eliminate the 3% salary increase due to officers on July 1, 2020, that was bargained for in good faith by the FOP and the City in 2018.

Option 2 - Unit members would receive either 4, 5 or 6 furlough days, depending on salary. Because officers are “essential employees,” they would be required to work and suffer a salary reduction for the total amount of furlough days.

Option 3 - This option would eliminate pay freezes and furlough days; however, it would include 173 layoffs of full-time employees. Layoffs would include non-essential employees currently on permission leave along with specialized public safety functions such as BPD’s Mounted Unit, Marine Unit and Traffic Units.

Notice some striking keywords in the options above? Salary freezes, no raises, furlough days, salary reductions and layoffs. It didn’t take long for an apparent “appreciative” city to go from paying hazard pay to kicking those same officers to the curb. Meanwhile, those same officers are still on the frontlines of the COVID-19 pandemic, risking their health and lives to serve and protect, yet if they were to get sick, the promise of a possible layoff and no health insurance is potentially in the near future. 

“I am furious and disgusted with the mayor and his administration for asking our members to shoulder the burden of this crisis both physically and now financially,” said Sgt. Mike Mancuso, president of the Baltimore City Police FOP Lodge. “We have had 350 members who have been quarantined, 63 who are awaiting test results, and 19 who have tested positive for COVID-19. According to all projections, this is just the beginning of what could be a devastating couple of weeks for our area.”

Imagine what safety and security will look like for Baltimore soon. It's already a dangerous place because some estimates show the police department is already 500 officers short. However, including layoffs and furloughs will make Baltimore a city no one will want to live in, work in or visit, hence additional financial hardships and unprecedented spikes in crime. The officers remaining on the crippled agency will risk their lives tenfold for a city that is outright telling them they do not matter. The question many officers must consider is whether it is worth the risk. 

In addition to severe projected budget shortfalls as a result of an ailing economy and reduced tax revenue base due to the COVID-19 response, some see the COVID-19 pandemic as a unique opportunity for police reform. Recently, Philadelphia Police Commissioner Danielle Outlaw instructed her officers to delay arrests for low-level criminal offenses, such as narcotics activity. Meanwhile, in Chicago, and elsewhere police have been advised to reduce the number of stops and arrests for low-level crimes to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

The pandemic has altered policing across the nation; it’s not surprising the calls for police reform are growing louder. Opportunists are using the pandemic to push further police reform, citing that departments can reflect and analyze how adjustments may be working to change the perception and efficiency of law enforcement.

Take James Nolan, professor of sociology at West Virginia University and a former police officer words for example. “The current logic of traditional policing requires aggressive force. The image of the good officer is often one who makes a lot of arrests and is always prepared to use force rather than back down when challenged. Likewise, in neighborhoods where residents have lost faith in the police and civil authorities, gun violence is required for self-protection and for settling disputes. As horrific as the COVID-19 pandemic has been for the police and local communities, its sudden appearance has changed police behavior in noticeable ways. Reforms have come quickly as the new conditions have suddenly made the practical logic of policing impractical.”

Looking forward, if the new normal becomes less active enforcement along with diminished citizen engagement, that could easily result in nationwide furloughs and police staffing reductions as government bureaucrats nationwide justify such decisions by calling them reforms while looking to cut costs. Remember many of these folks are the ones who took the locks off the jails and let the inmates out.

Yes, we will overcome the coronavirus pandemic. But our profession will have challenges ahead. Let us stand up against reductions in law enforcement staffing to prevent “the thin blue line” from becoming even thinner. Officer safety and the common good for our communities require it. When we are needed, we are praised and appreciated, yet, the road ahead is likely filled with layoffs, salary freezes and reductions, and, well, if our profession is not prepared, we will be blindsided by the same charlatans who smilingly shakes our hands one day, and kick us in the ass the next.

Editor's Point of View : George Beck, Ph.D.

Welcome to another excellent issue of Blue Magazine. We have a lot of information to share with you.

So far, 2020 has been challenging. The coronavirus is a significant health issue that has taken the lives of many people, and we at Blue Magazine mourn the loss of all those who died from COVID-19 related illnesses. We also extend our support to those continuing to battle the virus. 

We must also acknowledge the truth that the coronavirus has sadly morphed into a major political issue, and the collateral damages are devastating. Yet, it seems nobody wants to have this conversation. Why? Why can’t we discuss the starvation — the suicides and the utter destruction caused by the shutdown? Does anyone care that many people are down to their last few packages of ramen noodles? Why can’t we hear the perspective of the families struggling with hunger from loss of employment, and how sad it is they put their children in bed at night knowing they are hungry? Why is this not part of the discussion? As I said, yes, the coronavirus is serious, and so are starvation, depression, unemployment and suicide. 

Is it any wonder why protests to end the shutdown are assembling en masse? Many people are asking why these protesters are not listening. Some claim it’s a lack of education or a misinformed rebellious spirit that drives these folks. I see this differently. The rebellion against the shutdown is the direct result of taking a one-sided approach. People have legitimate grievances that are being ignored. At the same time, they are told to shut up — that science is the answer, and their struggles don’t matter. We must make certain the cure is not worse than the disease.

The road ahead for our profession is full of uncertainty. We are taking the brunt of the effects of the coronavirus and the shutdown, and in the near future could realistically see unemployment, increases in officers getting hurt or killed and wrongful prosecutions as the scapegoats of the shutdown. Be sure to check out the cover story where much of this is addressed.

As we move forward in 2020, it pains me to write about the loss of our Blue Magazine writer, Dr. Joseph Devine.

Dr. Devine was not only a coworker and mentor, but he was also my friend. No matter what time I called, he answered. We co-authored articles together. Leadership was his passion. He was a leader who built other leaders. He wasn’t afraid to lift others up.  Dr. Devine was a great man who genuinely cared for his family and friends. We’ll miss him greatly.  Dr. Devine’s sudden passing reminds us to slow things down and to cherish the good people in our lives and spend as much time as we can with those who really care about us. Rest In Peace, Dr. Devine. Your impact on the lives of many is everlasting.

Five Life Lessons COVID19 has Taught Me

Five Life Lessons COVID19 has Taught Me
By Ted Tank

These past few months have been the most unusual, sometimes depressing times I have been through. As someone in his upper 40’s, that says a lot.

As this pandemic started to unfold back in February, I was a naysayer. I was in denial before I finally said to myself, this virus shit is real. That’s when I started paying closer attention and I started noticing things going on in and around me.

In mid-March I started to develop cold like symptoms; headache, cough, sluggishness. None of the symptoms associated to COVID19 so I couldn’t get tested. I was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection, also known as a common cold. I stayed home a few days and was subsequently cleared by my department to return to work.

Between the moment I felt those symptoms and the weeks that followed, I learned some very important lessons that I feel will be relevant to me forever:

1)     I have a renewed appreciation for God. The first day of my symptoms worried me so I immediately quarantined myself to the basement to help protect my family. I assumed the symptoms were COVID related. Working in a prison, I figured there was no way I was going to avoid contracting the virus, regardless of how many times I practically boiled my hands clean. I then let the fear the media instills in people consume me. Am I going to die? Am I going to end up in the hospital on a respirator sleeping towards death? Did I hug my wife and children for the last time already? I then turned to God and prayed I would get through it. I promised I would be a better Catholic if He spared me. I plan on keeping that promise.

2)     I learned who I’d go to war with and who I wouldn’t. Once I was cleared to return to work, the virus was just starting to take its toll on us. Nearly half of every shift was forced into quarantine. The other half had to work 16- hour shifts, some for 10 straight days. Fatigue, stress and anxiety started to set in and morale was at- by far- the lowest I have seen in my 20-years with the department. During the peak of the struggle I noticed that two types of officers and supervisors emerged. The first type stepped up everywhere they went because they wanted to help their blue family get through this. They volunteered for difficult assignments, offered help everywhere they went, and kept everyone’s spirits up and they earned my ultimate respect. The other type exposed was questionable at best. They stayed home often, abused the generous leave policy in effect and let everyone down. I’m sure it won’t be soon forgotten by their peers.

3)     People are much more resilient than we realize. As the long days and stressful times progressed, officer’s limits were challenged greater than ever before. The human body is far more capable of tolerating stress than I realized. For well over a week, I was averaging 3 to 4 hours of poor-quality sleep per night. But each day I got up and did it again. I felt tired but my body forced me to stay focused. I’ve never been tested like that and I’m still surprised I got through it - I guess I had no other option. I wasn’t alone, many of my co-workers struggled similarly, but we all got through it because we are very resilient.

4)     Creativity rules a new battlefield. During the ‘thick of things’, memos, directives and policies were changing hourly. It was tough to keep up. One thing I learned was to adapt and shift my priorities to what’s important - enforcing the law and not getting sick. When you’re on the battlefield and everything is changing around you constantly, you must get creative. As a law enforcement supervisor, I had to get creative everywhere I went. Each day turned into let’s just get through today. Once it was all said and done and things began to ease up a little, I realized that creativity is the key to managing an ever-changing battlefield. For all intents and purposes, dealing with COVID19 was a battle and we were all at war.

5)      I never thought I would enjoy cleaning. I now look at doorknobs, handles, phones, anything frequently touched with greater suspicion. I squint my eyes, turn my head as ask myself what diabolical germs and viruses are you hoarding right now you bastard? I find added joy in taking precious disinfectant wipes and cleaning all those surfaces.

I never thought battling the invisible would bring any joy, but now it does.

PRAY FOR OUR BLACK YOUTH

PRAY FOR OUR BLACK YOUTH

By: Deon Joseph

I had to take a moment to calm down before I wrote this. I know for those who have bought into the narrative that law enforcement is the biggest threat to young black boys, this may be upsetting.

Statistically, that is the farthest thing from the truth. So, for those of you who have a cult-like belief in that, you may not want to read this.

Today, I went riding my bike with my three sons in the community I grew up in. I got ahead of them a bit on the way home. Two gang members pulled up on my son. One asked him if he was from a particular gang. My son told him he was no gang member. The gangsters told him where he was from as a warning to him and then drove off.

That could have easily turned ugly. When these individuals have the urge to kill, there are usually no right answers. When my sons caught up to me they told me what happened.

I cringed on the inside. As a father, there was this urge to kill.  As a black man, I was overcome with sadness at how a black is simply not allowed to just be. 

I thought back to when I was almost killed a block behind my house at 14 years old by three gang members asking where I was from because of the jacket I wore. If it wasn’t for the gang member in the back seat, who I could not see, who recognized me from church, I wouldn’t be here.

I remember them driving off. I remember how helpless I felt. I remember there was no cover to protect me. At 14 years old, I had never gang banged. I never hurt anyone, but my life was about to be taken by three self-hating men who saw me as worthless as they saw themselves. I was an expendable black life who didn’t matter.

Now three decades later, I’m sitting on my couch with that same feeling after what happened to my son.

My son never gang banged. Never hurt anyone in his life. Has talent. He’s helpful and thoughtful, and today, because of the color of his skin, someone did not see his value. That he was loved.

Across this country every year, not a few dozen, not a couple of hundred, but thousands of young black youth lose their lives this way. Not in the heat of a tense moment. Not because they struggled with a cop, or were running from one, or in the commission of a crime.

But simply being in the skin they are in and wearing a certain colored shirt, or a hoodie while exercising, or on a date, or an initiation, or an order from a prison.

I always prayed my sons would grow up in a safer world. I thank God for his protection over me decades ago, and today my son.

But when are we as a people going to face this issue? When are we going focus on trying to stop the tens of thousands we lose as fervently as we focus on the couple of hundred the media and activists only want to focus on for ratings or to push an issue.

Do you know how many lives we could save if we did that?

I’m done. I’m going to go pray now to find it in my heart to forgive. But I won’t forget. Too many of us are dying for me to forget.

I’m not up for any debates on this.  So, you can save your “yeah buts.” 

Please pray for our black youth tonight.

NOTES ON THE COMING MEAT SHORTAGE

Notes on the Coming Meat Shortage
By Michelle Malkin

The Great Toilet Paper Scare of 2020 has come to end, but don't breathe a sigh of relief just yet. The Spring Meat Stampede is here.

At my local Costco in Colorado Springs on Monday, fresh chicken breast was nowhere to be found. Nationwide, bacon prices doubled. Wholesale pork prices for ham, ribs and loins rose between 12% and 32% over the last seven days. COVID-19 outbreaks among the nation's major meat processing plants have shut down nearly 20% of the country's fresh pork production. Chinese-owned Smithfield Foods has shuttered five facilities so far because of sick and no-show workers; Tyson Foods warns "the food supply is breaking" and "millions of pounds of meat will disappear" by May 1 after the mega-corporation idled its largest pork plant in Iowa, a beef plant in Washington state and another meatpacking facility in Indiana.

Recently, President Donald Trump invoked the Defense Production Act to compel the nation's biggest meat processors to stay open and stave off shortages. How exactly the feds will "address liability issues" (which Tyson Foods execs complained about to Trump) and force union leaders to comply remains unclear. Whether the order actually heads off mass hysteria is also iffy. As we saw with the toilet paper rush, Chicken Little-ism is contagious. Warnings about shortages induce shortages. Admonitions of "Don't hoard the Charmin" failed in the face of mob behavior. Same with "Don't hoard the hocks."

With meat prices rising, the economic landscape looks bleak. While gas is less than $2 a gallon, much of the nation is still locked down and off the streets, out of the cars and in no hurry to get on planes or trains. The latest Consumer Price Index summary reveals rising rent prices and costs of medical care services on top of spiking meat prices. With nearly 26 million Americans now out of work, signs of impending stagflation loom. That "V-shaped recovery" is more like a "P.D." recovery: Pipe Dream.

More candor from all the Beltway "experts" about what we face would be helpful to our suffering citizenry. While we're at it, this nation must confront the dangers of dependency on the globalized, homogenized methods of producing meat and other key products in our food supply, which is concentrated in the hands of a quarter of giant multinational corporations who press for unlimited alien workers in exchange for low food prices. An estimated 30% of America's meat production employees are foreign-born. As usual, "Open Borders Inc." reaps all the benefits while we're left holding an empty grocery bag.

Let's remember: Tyson Foods was embroiled in an illegal immigrant smuggling racket two decades ago. The company has paid Swamp lobbyists like Republican Ed Gillespie millions of dollars to push for illegal immigrant amnesty. And Big Meat coordinates with refugee resettlement racketeers to import tens of thousands of cheap laborers from Asia, Africa and Latin America into the heartland.

Just one example: Tyson fundamentally transformed Waterloo, Iowa, by working with faith-based government contractors to ship in thousands of low-wage Burmese refugees to fill jobs at the meat plant now at the center of a coronavirus outbreak. Since 2002, 9,143 refugees from 37 countries have resettled in Iowa (which doesn't include so-called secondary migration, or friends and relatives moving to Iowa from their primary settlement location). Taxpayer-subsidized Catholic Charities, Lutheran Services and the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants have reaped millions dumping them across Central Iowa — and abandoning them in cultural, linguistic and economic ghettos at the mercy of exploitative employers.

As Refugee Resettlement Watch founder and investigator Ann Corcoran reports, "The dark underbelly of the giant globalist meatpacking industry in the US is being exposed as large numbers of slaughterhouse workers are creating US hotspots for the spread of the Chinese virus."

A decentralized system of meat and poultry production would enhance food security, national security and public health. Demographic conquest fueled by big business' insatiable appetite for cheap labor, by contrast, is making us sick to our stomachs in more ways than one.

Law enforcement - The can’t-miss profession

Law enforcement - The can’t-miss profession
By: Chris Gialanella

Law enforcement is the only profession where you have to be right from the minute you take the oath of office until you sign your name to receive your pension. It is an unattainable expectation that is not found in some of the most scholarly professions known to man.

Let’s look into what makes our profession a dying breed and something not desired by the current working class. With only six months of training, the cop is a professional driver, lawyer, firearm expert, psychologist, judge, social worker, mental health expert and all while balancing the ultimate responsibility of possibly having to take a life in a split second.

Each of those titles requires many years of schooling and mentoring in addition to practical experience where the one undertaking them is afforded the time and luxury of mistakes. The lawyer can lose the case and keep his license, the doctor can lose a patient on an operating table with no critiques, and the person who has been driving for years can crash and chalk it up to an unfortunate accident. The psychologist can provide advice based on trained methods but bears no real responsibility for the patient’s final demise.

The police officer, on the other hand, has to be right 100 percent of the time on every decision or face immediate drastic consequences and endure an “after the fact” perspective by a group that has no concept of the immense pressure a police officer faces to be right 100 percent of the time.

History has taught us that this is an unachievable expectation dating back to biblical times. How can we expect our police officers to be right all the time? Then society turns its back on them when they don’t meet expectations.

We need to start recognizing the signs of dismay and the stigma that is associated with the despair in policing of modern society. We are treating our cops with a growing negative discourse that is largely unfair. We are ignoring all the signs of self-destruction and asking them despite this to do more with less - Less pay, less appreciation, less self-motivators, less respect and less personal growth. We talk down to them, we disrespect their oath to protect and serve all while still calling them to help us in a time of need. There are two parallel paths that cannot and will not be sustained.

What is society going to do when we call 911 and the phone continues to ring and ring with the silence of the past? What is society prepared to do when the weak can no longer be protected and the predators feast on the same society that condemns our heroes? Finally, what is society going to do when the once-heralded police officer no longer answers to the inherent call for good to protect against evil because society has blurred the line between the two?

Let’s stop stigmatizing our police officers with unrealistic expectations and come to the realization that we answered a higher calling for the sanctity of life. In the end we are the fathers, mothers, sons and daughters who make up the same community you live in. We worship the same God, we value the same morals and beliefs, we get dressed the same way, and we laugh and cry at the same trials and tribulations as you. Give us what we need, the support of humanity.

Exercise is more important now than ever before

Exercise is more important now than ever before
By: Lt. Patrick J. Ciser (ret.)

Exercise; we’ve always been told to get more of it. If you ignored doctors and exercise experts in the past, you might now want to reevaluate your position. Fighting off obesity, diabetes and hypertension has always prolonged our lives, generally speaking. But today, with the emergence of COVID-19 striking people down with these ailments the most, the real battle begins. Research has shown that after advanced age, which is out of our control, obesity is the next highest risk factor when it comes to mortality rates. Smokers are also at great risk, and should absolutely cease and desist NOW!

How many hours do you sit at work, sit in a police car or sit stationed in a cell block watching prisoners all day? Doesn’t really give you that athletic and toned body you’d like, does it? Poor diets exacerbate the problem, and so does “happy hour” at the local pub. Many of us have excuses, but I did pretty well for 28 years on the job in the eating department. I very rarely ate junk food or used shift-work as an excuse, and I also believe in the saying, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Healthy choices at diners rather than unhealthy fast-food places are usually your best choice. If not, I suggest that you simply “brown bag” it. It also wasn’t uncommon for me to bring a protein shake to work. It’s said that athletic bodies are made in the kitchen, and I believe that that’s 80% true. All the exercise in the world won’t counterbalance donuts, fast food and soda.

So, you are stuck home when you’re not working and the gyms are still closed down because of the pandemic. But there’s some good news! You really don’t need a lot of room or equipment to get your required daily exercise. You can start with jumping jacks, burpees, mountain climbers, sit-ups, leg lifts, planks and sets of close hand position “stair” push-ups. I really like this type of push-up, as it gives you a better pump than regular push-ups in your pectorals and triceps. Stand facing a staircase, and place your hands on the fourth stair up, to do a warm-up set. After about a minute-long rest, do another set, now utilizing the third step. You can stay there for a few sets, or drop even lower to the second step. Functionally, this allows you to better push someone away from you with speed and power and also gives you a more powerful punch. This exercise mimics a decline close grip bench press. If you now turn with your back to the stairs, you can put your feet on the second or even third stair to mimic the incline bench press. Keep a log of your progress, and write down exercises, reps and sets. Try to increase your repetitions and number of sets performed as the weeks pass by. You can do this exercise two to three times per week.

Have you ever tried lunges for your quads? You can probably check them out on YouTube. In the karate dojo (school), in order to strengthen our legs, we get into a squat position called “shiko dashi”and hold it for a period of time. You go into a squat position, keeping your thighs parallel to the floor. Keep your feet pointing outward at about 45 degrees and hold that position for 7-10 seconds. Now takea wide step without straightening your legs, and hold it again. Each time you step, count 7-10 seconds before your next step and see how many you can do. Trust me; it buuurns! Increase the number of steps you take each time you do it, and perform this exercise twice a week for improvement. You can also consider doing squats with your wife or kid on your shoulders. I also encourage people to skip rope if the weather isn’t good enough to run. If you want to run to develop your quadriceps, make sure you’re doing wind sprints. Sprinting up bleachers by the local high school football field works well. Additionally, don’t forget to work on your balance, as the average person can only stand on one leg for about 34 seconds without tipping over. If you’re trying to lose weight, and you haven’t read some of my articles on dieting, go to YouTube. Intermittent fasting and keto dieting work well. Thomas DeLauer is one of my favorite dieting experts.

New York City Police Commissioner Teddy Roosevelt -America’s First Progressive Police Leader

New York City Police Commissioner Teddy Roosevelt
America’s First Progressive Police Leader

By Chief Rich Rosell

“No man is above the law, no man is below it; nor do we ask any man’s permission when we require him to obey it.  Obedience of the law is demanded as a right, not asked as a favor”.

Commissioner Teddy Roosevelt

“No man is above the law, no man is below it; nor do we ask any man’s permission when we require him to obey it. Obedience of the law is demanded as a right, not asked as a favor”. ~ Commissioner Teddy Roosevelt

For those of us fortunate enough to have worked closely with the New York City Police Department, we are aware of the proud lineage of the organization. Strong and effective transformational leaders; dynamic and selfless operational and tactical officers. We are also acutely aware of the losses they have suffered through their tireless and brave pursuit of justice. But many in law enforcement are unaware that the 26th president of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt, served as a commissioner of the New York City Police Department.

During the Roosevelt era, NYPD was governed by a board of six commissioners. Teddy Roosevelt was the president of the New York City Board of Commissioners from 1895-1897. His leadership principles from the late 1800s are still studied by police leaders today.

Roosevelt was appointed to the Board of Commissioners by the reform-minded Mayor William Strong. Strong found himself overseeing hearings related to graft and misconduct running rampant in the NYPD. Knowing the strong moral and ethical fiber of Teddy Roosevelt, he offered him the position as president of the board. From the onset, Roosevelt set to work on two primary goals, 1) ethically reform the agency and 2) improve the quality of life for the citizens.

Roosevelt became involved in the Progressive Movement prior to his appointment as commissioner, continuing his advocacy with great zeal. A man of heart and conscience, Roosevelt was moved and disturbed at the plight of poor people in New York City. Jacob Riis, famed journalist of his time, said of Roosevelt’s tenure as police commissioner and his dedication to the less fortunate, “for the first time a moral purpose came into the street.” “In the light of it everything was transformed,” often referring to the period as “the Golden Age.” Some criminologists consider Roosevelt to be the godfather of American Community Policing.

A popular story written about Roosevelt chronicles his response to the outcry from the Jewish community over the fact that a well-known German anti-Semitic fanatic named Ahlwardt was permitted to present a hate speech. Roosevelt was disgusted by anti-Semitism, but his hands were tied. Roosevelt, a staunch constitutionalist, explained that he could not legally keep the man from speaking. However, he could not let Ahlwardt completely get his way. He assigned Jewish police officers as his bodyguards, because, as he put it, “Ahlwardt would owe his safety to the fact that he was scrupulously protected by men of the very race he denounced” (Wagenknecht 2009).

During his two-year tenure, Commissioner Roosevelt made his mark on the NYPD, quickly, decisively, and radically reforming the agency. Known for his discipline, Roosevelt implemented policies requiring more detailed personnel and weapon inspections, demanded professionalism and ethical accountability, and dramatically changed the employment requirements which, up until his tenure, had been based on political or personal affiliation rather the physical or character-based qualifications. He often walked beats at irregular times, making certain that his officers were on duty when and where they were expected to be. He had no problem calling the officers and their supervisors on the carpet for violating the agency’s code of conduct. Concurrent with his ethical and operational reformation of the NYPD, he continued as an advocate for the poor, often patrolling in high-crime areas, speaking with the residents in order to get a sense of what they needed from the police. He could often be seen patrolling then crime-ridden Mulberry Street, identifying those responsible for victimizing the residents of that area, offering hope to those who were dependent upon the police for their safety. In keeping with his lifetime of public service, Roosevelt led from the front.

Many of Roosevelt’s philosophies on police ethics and accountability are still valid today; do what is right, never shirk your duties and responsibilities, never sell your badge, treat all people equally, and the law applies to us all, just to name a few. Good leaders have studied his theories for over 100 years and created their own leadership principles that delineate their officer’s daily ethical actions. He left his mark on one of the finest police agencies in the world, and arguably on us all.

Chief Rosell is currently the Police Chief and Public Safety Director for the Town of Indian River Shores, Florida, the former Director of Public Safety for the Town of Dover, NJ and Township of Springfield, NJ, and a 27-year veteran of the New Jersey State Police, retiring at the rank of Captain. He has a very diverse skill set with vast operational, training, policymaking, homeland security, leadership, management and administrative experience.

HOW TO LEAD WHEN YOU AREN'T IN CHARGE

How to Lead When You Aren’t In Charge

By Lt. James Rotundo

In a profession such as ours, most of us will find that our entire careers will be led entirely by others controlling the puppet strings of what we do. In organizations where egos are the name of the game, the idea of this could drive some of us nuts. Luckily, it doesn’t have to. Even though you don’t have the title of being “in charge,” there are things you can do to lead. Leaders, critical thinkers and doers are more crucial today than ever before.

We tend to think the only ones who can lead are the ones with the rank, or shiny bronze badges, or their own private office in headquarters. While that is partially correct, the truth is every single officer is accountable to someone, even if it’s just to themselves. Let’s not confuse ourselves with the idea that because the ones with rank are required to lead, they do it well. 

Let’s start with what bad leaders do. Some may be handicapped with outdated leadership techniques, also known as “that’s how we’ve always done it.” Some might have been very good at their jobs, but once promoted, they lack leadership skills, forcing them to leverage their title and position as a way to get subordinates to do their bidding. Both of these issues breed bad morale and could have you saying to yourself, “If I were in charge, things would be different.” Although the ones in charge would shudder at hearing you make that statement, it’s not exactly a wrong way of looking at things because, in a way, you are in charge.

Great leaders don’t have to be in rank or have that shiny bronze badge or their own private office in headquarters. We all know that officer we were able to look to when we had a question or needed guidance. I would even bet money that officer you are thinking about right now wasn’t the top boss in your department. Great leaders leverage influence, relationships and knowledge to get others to accomplish the task with them. Good leaders motivate others, support others and build others up. As you can see, nowhere in the idea of leadership does it require you to be the head of an organization to accomplish those things.

If you want to lead when you aren’t in charge, you must start by being in charge of yourself. Hold yourself accountable to high standards and goals regardless of outside influences. You can’t lead from the rear if you aren’t leading yourself. These standards and goals should be constant and ever-evolving. You need to have a base in knowledge and experience. Without knowing what you are doing in any given situation, you will do no one any good in leading them through it. You also must be willing to change and adapt. 

As much as some “stuck in the past” ranking officers might try and make you believe otherwise, this job is constantly changing. Everything in this job from case laws to procedures to technology is continuously evolving, and that’s how you should be, too. While experience will only come with time and initiative, knowledge can come from several ways. Yes, knowledge has a base in experience as well, but continuing your education is your next best source. Knowledge is also knowing your strengths and weaknesses. I have never seen in any departmental manual where it says you can’t ask your supervisors what you can improve on. We have an inherent issue as humans to not see our weaknesses. In other words, take the time to ask your supervisors and co-workers to constructively criticize you with things you could improve on as well as point out the things they think you do well. No one likes to be told what areas of themselves they are weak in, but this is where you can grow the most as a leader and an officer. By fixing your weaknesses and supporting your strengths, your supervisors will see you as someone willing to take charge, and co-workers will see you as someone whose lead they should follow. This takes courage, but so does leading when you are not in charge; they go hand-in-hand. When you are able to think critically of yourself, you will be able to think critically of others in situations where a leader is needed the most. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today, and you will see how far you can go in your career.

Once you think critically of yourself, then you will be able to ask yourself what kind of leader you want to be. Do you want to be the kind of leader who sits in the ivory tower of your department, sending directive after directive on what to do? Or, do you want to be the kind of leader that takes charge by doing the things with your group as an “I would never tell you to do something I wouldn’t do or haven’t done myself.” Your answer to this question is essential. If your answer is the ivory tower-type leadership, then leading from the rear isn’t for you. If your answer is to be an all-inclusive person, then leading without being in charge is the thing that will mold you into the future supervisor you inspire to be. Leading WITH your peers will put you in the prime spot to be seen as a leader throughout your department. I call this leading by example. You don’t have to be the most vocal person in the room, but you do want to be the most driven. It’s not the authority that makes you a leader; it’s the unwavering focus on the tasks at hand that will make others follow.

While these things appear simple, the application may be hard. You may even receive some pushback from your supervisors that you are “overstepping.” The trick is to make sure your organization’s mission is clear to you, and then figure out where you fit in the bigger picture. When you become the person who gets things done, the person who assists and motivates their peers, the person who lifts their coworkers, the person who is experienced and knowledgeable in their job and shores up their weaknesses, I will assure you the pushback will be less and less. Leading when you aren’t in charge isn’t about rocking the boat, it’s about knowing how to lead in places and situations you can, so that when superiors are looking for someone to head a task you are the one they seek to drive it.

Therefore, great leaders leverage influence, relationships, and knowledge to get things done. The influence, relationships, and knowledge you cultivate today will be the leverage you will use when you become the one in the driver’s seat of your department. Supervisors are a dime a dozen, but true leaders are few and far between. Being a leader from the rear is a skill that will pay dividends in your career, so start now.

STAY CONNECTED

Stay Connected
By: Anthony Mikatarian

It's no secret that friendships and good work chemistry with your fellow co-workers improve both your personal and career gratification, as well as your co-workers own gratification. Positive relationships, especially with loved ones and friends, guide you to self assurance while presenting your best self in both your personal and work environment.

However, these ever so important relationships are being tested in the midst of this unprecedented coronavirus pandemic. This is why working hard to maintain positive family, friend and work associate relationships have never been so imperative to our overall positive mental and physical contentedness. With all the restrictions being placed upon us by the government on your employment, general businesses and people’s own personal beliefs has made it quite difficult to maintain personal relationships outside of your immediate family circle during this pandemic. For some, even the natural fear of contracting the virus is altering their thinking. What you had done in the past to maintain these relationships has to be tweaked during this trying time.

This is particularly true with our unique profession because many departments have been working on an altered and abbreviated set rotating schedule to combat this pandemic such as reducing the normal on duty staff and squad counts to nearly half, with the other half at home on standby. This is tough on work personal relationships. However, with this pandemic this emergent decision is a necessity to reduce the chances of your agency being overwhelmed with illness, hence, putting your agency out of service.

With this abbreviated work schedule and the work restrictions, you will not see many of your co-workers for weeks at a time. This is partially okay if you are shift set with a co-worker(s) you enjoy, but it is also socially challenging with the limited physical contact you have between each other. If you happen to be set with an officer(s) you are sour to, it probably will be even more socially challenging during your shift. However, either way you will still feel out of place or saddened by not working with others you enjoy working with and the norm of full staffing, who are now on the opposite of your work cycle. You may not see them for weeks. This can damper your work spirits, especially if working in a smaller agency. You need to find ways to ward off loneliness, stress, roadblocks and boredom. You need to find creative ways to elevate your work comradeship in lieu of this pandemic, social distancing and sheltering in place.

Since this pandemic arrived, it has put many things into perspective, such as gaining improvement in communicating with our personal relationships. I have realized that during our pre-pandemic hectic work and life schedules, we at some point developed inadequate socializing time, as well as some falling victim at times to mixed priorities. Many of our social communications have been text messages, quips and social media interactions. Social non-work related phone conversations are rare. With this eye opening pandemic and more free time on our hands to reflect, you realize these forms of communication are usually lacking in substance. This pandemic era is the perfect opportunity to re-evaluate our mindsets, personal relationships and our forms of communication. We need to develop socially with the people we care about by presenting them with more personal, sincere and deeper context. Just communicating in an impersonal electronic fashion does not nourish our or their souls. With our usual busy lives temporarily halted and now having more time, it's the perfect opportunity to verbally open up about yourself and your valued relationship with that person you are communicating with as well as you feeling it in return.

I personally had a fulfilling phone conversation with a great lifelong friend the other day, which has been a rare occurrence because of our hectic lives. Most of our interactions prior to this were electronic. We not only reminisced, but got to talk about a lot of personal and random things. It was a rewarding conversation that not only reminded us of the blessed friendship we have but a conversation like this nourishes it to continue. So pick up the phone to call your families, friends and work friends. If you are prevented from phone conversations, you should make a necessary effort to send regular and sincere electric communications to let them know you are thinking of them and praying for them and their family’s wellness. It goes a long way and lets them know that you truly care. You take the initiative. Don't wait for your administration or colleagues to reach out to you or encourage this behavior. If you get mocked for taking this initiative, those are the people who don't deserve your attention anyway.

This is something you can initiate from the comfort of your home. Plus, I learned to just be real and drive a straight line, not dance around something or being embarrassed to divulge your feelings to a person in your social circle. Especially with the many added daily challenges living life during this pandemic your positive work and personal relationships will appreciate this general approach because you are real. Let your positive social and work relationships know that you are delighted to give and receive support, especially to help each other get through this dark time. Also, this is a time to really emphasis our sincere listening skills because of the added stresses and unknowns we are feeling. Living in this pandemic people need to, at times, vent or express themselves. Upon listening, we need to truly show affirmation and compassion back to them. Reaffirm that we are in this together and will get through this together.

The crisis established by this pandemic make positive social relationship’s more important than ever in helping us build and maintain all our emotional well-beings. No matter where you are in life or what you are going through positive social relationships will help you both professionally and personally. Bonding and being real will only benefit you in the long run to recognizing who is real or fake in your own life. With our faith in God along with our resilience we will surround ourselves with relationships that will help us be at our best. When this time of social distancing becomes a welcomed memory, I pray that we as human beings remember this time of isolation. I hope everyone develops a new appreciation on how delicate life is and the true value of our loyal social relationships because fellowship is vital for human existence. As these interesting and scary days continue, let's really remind our loved ones, our dear friends and our acquaintances how appreciated they really are! God bless and wellness to all.

Whose side are they on anyway?

Whose side are they on anyway?
By: Lt. Patrick J. Ciser (Ret.)

Why would politicians make laws that leave us less safe? It’s mind-boggling to think of a nation with leaders who would, ostensibly, stand up for the rights of criminals over the rights of their victims and future victims. And that’s exactly what bail reform and Sanctuary City laws are doing. Law and order is something we should all be concerned with for the safety of our families and communities, regardless of party affiliation. Juxtapose these new laws with the get-tough policies of the Clinton administration in the 1990s, which absolutely cut down on crime. “Three strikes” policies were a great concept but admittedly should have been enforced on a case-by-case basis while looking at the severity of the crimes committed. Over the years, some politicians have been horrified over the staggering numbers of the United States prison population, while I on the other hand, saw it as a good thing. To this day, many law enforcement officials in NYC claim that approximately 5,000 repetitive criminals are responsible for most of the serious crime in the five boroughs. In theory, if we locked up all 5,000 and gave them stiffer sentences, all of the good people in New York City would benefit, and tourism would increase. The misguided mayor of NYC, however, who the NYPD Sergeants Union just declared “war” on by the way, believes that closing Rikers Island, releasing perps without bail, and declaring NYC a Sanctuary City is the answer. And to make things worse, New York State Democratic Gov. Andrew Cuomo agrees! Some argue about the cost of housing so many prisoners, but I would argue, what’s the cost to our communities if we release them?

During the crack epidemic in the ‘80s and into the early ‘90s, crime was extremely high, and something needed to be done. In April 1994, the New York City Police Department, with the support of “tough on crime” Republican Mayor Rudy Giuliani, developed a plan to decrease crime to historic lows. This strategy/plan would serve as a model for other agencies across the country. Commissioner Bill Bratton, Jack Maple and Louis Anemone researched and developed “CompStat” (Compare Statistics). This, coupled with “Broken Windows Theory,” drastically reduced crime rates and increased incarceration rates, making New York City the safest big city in America. Crime dropped in all categories, but most striking was the murder rate. In 1993 NYC had 1,946 homicides, while in the year 2000, it had only 673. Make NO MISTAKE! It was a “tough on crime” attitude and polices that supported proactive police work that got the job done.

Today however, because of the political climate, some have shifted to sympathizing with the predators rather than the prey. There are two kinds of cops; the ones that attack crime, and unfortunately, the ones who wanna stay out of trouble. The latter are usually the ones who suck up to the politicians who promote them to their next rank. I’ll NEVER understand how any reputable sheriff or police chief can support Sanctuary policies! When you allow a felon to avoid an ICE “hold” or warrant, it only puts the people that he preyed upon and others in more danger. It also puts the cops in danger who now have to track him down. It’s NOT rocket science! Turn an unarmed ex-con over to federal authorities in a controlled environment, or take the chance of force, or deadly force, used against those that try to bring him in later. Not to mention the innocent bystanders that are at risk as well.

Some sheriffs are fighting back while standing by the Constitution and their oath of office. Most striking is Orange County California Sheriff Don Barnes, who’s in, ostensibly, our most unrepentant Sanctuary State.  He’s taking a stand against California Senate Bill 54, which is known as California Values Act. Isn’t it nice that politicians always come up with these flowery or benign names for bills that are nothing of a kind? I mean, who wouldn’t vote for a “Values” Act? Here is a quote from this level-headed sheriff: “Rather than protect our immigrant community, the law has enabled offenders to be released, often times back into the immigrant communities they prey upon, and create new victims.” Statistics show that Orange County alone has released 2,121 inmates from jail, who should have been held on U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement detainers in 2018 and 2019. As a result, 411 of those released have been re-arrested for additional crimes, including rape, assault with a deadly weapon, child sex offenses and domestic violence. The insane are now running the asylum. ☹

Credits; Some excerpts taken from an internet article by Mitch McKinley (Feb. 6th, 2020)

Alphonse Capone: Prohibition’s Robin Hood

Alphonse Capone: Prohibition’s Robin Hood

Photo: Chicago Bureau (Federal Bureau of Investigation) - Wide World Photos

The 18th Amendment of the United States Constitution, which effectively established prohibition, had done more to advance the organized criminal underworld than any legislation enacted to stop it. Prohibition itself had created the massive criminal underworld—Alphonse “Al” Capone ruled over it.

The banning of all alcoholic beverages in the United States had taken effect on January 17, 1920 and was upheld until it was repealed on December 5, 1933. Americans’ desire for alcoholic libations propelled gangsters and mob bosses into roles as pseudo-Robin Hood figures. Even Capone, the notorious gangster, who according to the Chicago Daily Tribune was responsible for the deaths of 33 people, was sharply aware of creating a Robin Hood-type persona. As an example, he fed the hungry with a free soup kitchen, serving over 5,000 men, women, and children on Thanksgiving Day in 1931.

Photo: U.S. National Archives and Records Administration

Although Capone, also known as Scarface, the Big Fellow, Al Brown and assorted other names, understood the power of positive public relations and how it helped smooth and elevate his image, the 1929 Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre of gang rivals, which ultimately killed seven men, damaged Capone’s reputation.  It is widely believed the attack was planned by the Capone organization to eliminate rival gang boss George “Bugs” Moran.  Moreover, gangsters in broad daylight firing high-powered weapons, including Thompson submachine guns, marred the image of Chicago—still to this day it is seen as dangerous land where gangsters flourish, albeit no longer dominated by the Italian and Irish gangs of the 1930s.

The rise of gangster mythology surrounding those such as Capone also came about because novels, magazines and movies began to be written from the gangster’s perspective. For example, consider the closing minutes of the film “Little Cesar” (1931), when the gangster Rico phones the police station to yell at the cop who lied and challenged his masculinity in the newspapers. The scene shows the criminal (Rico’s) perspective and how the lawmen have the upper hand, tracing his phone call, and subsequently executing him as he lies in wait (gun in hand) behind a billboard near an old flophouse.  “Little Cesar,” which was written in 1929 and filmed in 1930, was the first crime film written from the criminal’s own perspective. Many subsequent gangster sagas in film and novels imitated the movie’s plot. It was a plot that worked well, pitting the criminal versus the powerful man, and in turn colored the view of the urban gangster.

The 1932 film “Scarface,” a film adapted from the 1929 novel “Armitage Trail” and loosely based on the life of Al Capone (whose nickname was Scarface) depicted gang warfare and police intervention, in a world of gangs fighting for control over the city. Maurice Coon, who spent a lot of time immersed in the Chicago gangland’s underworld, befriending Sicilian gangsters, wrote the book with censorship in mind. There were numerous passages where he placates the censors, in an effort to balance criticism that the book’s aim was to glorify the gangster. But censorship didn’t stop Al Capone from liking the movie so much he owned a print of it.

“Scarface” was one of the most violent films of the 1930s. It was the first film where the gangster used a machine gun. The movie was filmed in 1930 but was not released until 1932 because of the Hays Office, a government movie censorship agency, which called for the cutting of violent scenes, such as the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, and a title change to “Scarface: The Shame of a Nation.”  Insomuch as the Hays Office endeavored to battle the glamorization of gangsters and mobs, J. Edgar Hoover too insisted on condemnation of criminals deemed moral rogues, who destroyed the honest fabric of wholesome American society. Co-producer Howard Hughes eventually gave way to the Hays Office pressure, adding a prologue and scenes that would counter the romantic images of the gangster with images of the condemnation and thrashing of gangland evil.

Capone understood the power of an appealing public image. Crowds cheered when he appeared at baseball games.  He made donations to many charities, thus furthering his status as the Robin Hood of his time. Capone was visible and embraced his celebrity status, and many saw him as an opportunist, or common man, who began as the son of poor Italian immigrants and became a successful business entrepreneur, albeit a criminal mastermind. Capone often spoke with the press. As one of the most notorious American urban gangsters of the twentieth century, numerous books, films, articles and songs are written about his life. The blue pinstriped suit and tilted fedora that has become the stereotypical attire of the Prohibition gagster is based on photos of Capone.

Although a murderous criminal, Capone enjoyed a favorable reputation as a Robin Hood-type character. However, his life of celebrity and embellishments would take a fast personal turn on May of 1932, when at thirty-three he began his stretch in prison, and the arduous life of dealing with complications from syphilis and gonorrhea. Upon his release in 1939, Capone received treatment for paresis caused by late-stage syphilis. He spent his last days in his mansion on Palm Island, Florida. By 1946, his physician concluded he had the mentality of a 12-year-old child. Shortly thereafter, on January 21, 1947, Capone suffered a stroke and subsequently contracted pneumonia. On January 25, 1947, Al Capone, 48, went into cardiac arrest and died.  

It is now 100 years since Prohibition began in the United States, and 72 years since Al Capone died. However, he is still undeniably cemented in popular culture as a quintessential Robin Hood figure. Few criminals ever reach such status.

4 Ways to Maintain Emotional Strength & Control

4 Ways to Maintain Emotional Strength & Control

By: Joe Hammond

So your shift just started after a long weekend and you’re in your patrol vehicle prepared for the day. Prior to hitting the streets, roll call was the usual mixed bag. Patrol safety information and crime updates, the usual jokes from the jokesters and the usual grunts from the complainers. Not much change.  While driving along to acquire your favorite beverage and road snacks you get a phone call from your significant other stating unhappiness in the relationship and telling you they’re considering separation. Immediately, the radio crackles dispatching you to a domestic violence incident in progress between a man and a woman with  unknown weapons.  Not only are you now nervous, saddened and disappointed about home, but you’re on your way to one of the more dangerous jobs that cops face today. How exactly do you remain tactically aware and emotionally strong with your head going in several directions? And of course, having to disconnect the phone call at that point because of the radio call doesn’t help matters at all. It only comes across as “you don’t care as much about the problems at home.” I mean sure, part of you knew there were problems at home, but never did you expect this. You just figured you’d be able to clean up the matter with a few good times and maybe a vacation together.

Without being a person who practices emotional strength and control (ES&C) on a regular basis, this radio call can quickly spiral out of control, right?  For example, you, as the police officer who lacks ES&C in this particular situation can fail to identify a threat which puts you and your co-workers in danger and you may rush a disposition in an effort to get back to your personal matters or you may suffer from a lack of clear judgment which may cause you to misidentify the aggressor and the victim.

What are some ways that you can practice daily emotional strength & control and which ones would apply to this particular situation?

A few ways a person can strengthen their ability to remain emotionally strong is by having good daily habits. An example is a habit such as rising early before the rest of the world. Another is having a good spiritual, meditational or recreational life, and practicing remaining calm in the midst of adversity. You can also learn not to maximize the minimal in life. Not everything needs to be reacted to immediately, and sometimes the best answer to a heated situation is to step back and allow the moment to have its space before reacting. Here are a few emotional strengths that can apply to the above listed radio call.

1.     Resiliency: People who are emotionally strong through resiliency are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments. They are also able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as rejection.

2.     Clear Thinking: People who are emotionally strong through clear thinking focus on overcoming the obstacle by visualizing the end process rather than spending too much time focusing on the “Spilled Milk.”

3.     Positive Reflection: This usually comes from past experiences where certain obstacles in life appeared to be insurmountable.  Through positive reflection of the pains and lessons related to the past, one can recall that everything turned out a lot better than initially anticipated.

4.     Adaptation: Adapting and overcoming is one of the oldest practices in police work. When you’ve worked in this field long enough, you realize that not everything is always what it seems. Police work constantly throws curveballs which need to be hit. Practicing the ability to adapt to different situations will help you become more flexible as a person and not completely floored by change or bad news. 

Emotional strength and control can be summed up in many different words and/or phrases, and I encourage you to look them up in order to begin developing some of the less obvious.  After all, at the end of the day, polished emotional strength can benefit you both on “AND” off the job.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT AND … WHEN THE GRAPES OF WRATH RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN PRAYER

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT AND … WHEN THE GRAPES OF WRATH RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN PRAYER

By: Officer Deon Joseph

Today was one of the best days off I ever had. It was nothing special. It was one I desperately needed after a really tough week of shootings, death and my memory failing me from “the 40s.” I really needed a moment.

So I’m cleaning out my garage with my sons. For the past month, this butterfly with neon wings has been flying around my home. It is as if every time I step out of my home, it decides to put on a show for me. It kept happening. I told my boo about it and she said it was some kind of blessing. I laughed it off. Two weeks later, two neon-winged butterflies waited for me to exit my front door and started flying all around my home. I like nature, but it was strange. I have never seen butterflies around my home like that for the 17 years I’ve been here.

The third week there was the same two with a new one, with huge gold and black wings. They were my two favorite colors. It flew around my wife’s rosebush with the other two. I wanted to test something. I got into my car and drove around the block. When I came back they were gone. I got out of my car and as I approached my door, they reappeared flying around again. They always kept a safe distance, but were closer than before. I told my wife and kids. They saw them, too. One of my kids thought I was tripping when I said they were drawn to me … until today.

As I was loading trash into my garbage, I walked it to the curb. My son looked at me to tell me something. The two neon-winged beauties were flying around each other. I don’t know if it was some kind of mating dance or what. But they literally flew two inches from my face and danced in front of me for ten seconds, then flew to my rosebush meeting up with the larger one with the black and gold wings.

My son smiled in amazement. It was the coolest thing ever. Before this began happening, I dreaded going outside my door, knowing I was about to drive into utter failure. Those butterflies motivate me to go outside just to see something beautiful. Maybe that’s God’s way of lifting my head in this weird space I am in.

So I then go into my den to chill. I look out my back door and see two men molesting my grape tree from the neighbor’s fence. Yes. It was wrapped around her lemon tree, but they were treating my beautiful tree like it stole something from them. I went outside to let them have it. But as I watched, my tree was overgrown and the high leaves were dying so I didn’t trip. But … my wife saw it and lost it. My tree was now slumped over and looking horrible. We tried communicating with the men, but there was a language barrier.

So we decided to walk around the block and discuss the issue with our neighbor. When she came to the door we started to tell her about herself, but she said to me. “You were the one who called the police a year ago when my husband was attacking me.” I wasn’t sure if I should answer that. She apologized about the gardeners and told them to lay off my tree. It was too late, but oh well. She then invited us to her backyard and asked again “Were you the neighbor who called the police last year about this time, when my husband attacked me?”

One thing I don’t do is lie. I told her I did. I thought it was an argument that was getting out of control. She said he was beating her. He was arrested that night and after 35 years of being abused by him, no one to help her. No one calling the police, she was finally free from him. I never knew he was beating her. But I knew what I heard that night wasn’t normal.

“Thank you so much. He’s been gone for a year. I got the house, and God answered my prayer to free me from him. I never had the courage to do it until you called. Sorry about your grape tree. Come into my yard. I’ll give you some cones to prop up your tree.”

As we entered her yard, she had so many beautiful trees. Grape trees, pomegranate trees, navel orange trees. She had green thumb swag all over her. Since my orange tree and grape tree were struggling, I asked her for her secret. She said “Prayer, Deon. When my husband was abusing me, these trees suffered. When he left they flourished as I prayed for these trees and for me to get better. It’s prayer Deon. Don’t give up on prayer.”

It was message I needed to hear. I haven’t prayed in almost a month. It’s not that I lost faith in God. I just began to accept this weird valley I’m in as God’s plan. I thought prayer at this time was useless. Between the butterflies and the neighbor, I think it was God’s way of reminding me he’s still here to listen to me.

Thank you Jesus for this incredible day.