Caution: Spineless, Disingenuous, and Loathsome “Friends” Will Hurt Your Well-being.

Caution: Spineless, Disingenuous, and Loathsome “Friends” Will Hurt Your Well-being.
By Anthony Mikatarian

From a young age, we begin to develop the necessary tools and skills that are crucial for our survival. One of the most basic and essential skills to develop is to decipher who or what is a friend and who is not.

We, as humans, are naturally wired to crave positive and rewarding personal relationships which we use to build our pyramid of family, friends, work associates, acquaintances and foes. At times this is easy to build, but it can also be complicated, tricky and misguiding. This especially relates to understanding and navigating the difference between someone acting friendly versus someone who is an actual friend.

In law enforcement, knowing the difference is vital. When beginning this career, many officers naively believe that everyone will automatically have a unique and dependable bond between each other because of the nature of our profession and the constant referencing of the thin blue line. New officers also think that civilians will always respect them. However, it doesn’t take long to realize the interpersonal in-house and out of house relationships developed come with all types of positive, neutral and negative tones which can be misinterpreted or even missed.

So let’s discuss this further. When someone is acting friendly toward you, it doesn't automatically mean they want to be your friend. Instead, they may feel neutral about you, are jealous of you, or dislike you for whatever reason. These friendly behaviors toward you can be out of courteousness, respectfulness and professionalism and are easy to perceive as genuine, but there are many evil and cowardly wolves in sheep's clothing out there who will use every lowly tool for their selfish gain. Of course, many people are friendly and genuinely mean it, but always reserve approval until finding out their real motive(s).

Through experience, I’ve learned how to understand the difference between friend versus friendly. Yet there is no perfect science to navigating this minefield because there are real slick actors out there who can, and probably will, fool you at times.

When someone is disingenuous and acting friendly, they will usually give the appearance of being approachable, helpful and courteous, especially when there is an audience. They will spend time with you when it is only convenient for them to do so. They shoot the small talk while laughing and joking with you. But be on guard, because these interactions can be used as a cowardly and calculating weapon to mask their mean-spirited fraudulent friendliness with the ultimate goal to degrade, discredit, bully and embarrass you; like I said, especially in front of an audience. These scoundrels diabolically use this tactic in the hopes of deflecting from their own deficiencies and/or as leverage to lift them higher than you. You will know your assessment of the person was right when they abandon you. These spineless, loathsome frauds will always leave you when their own needs are satisfied.

A true friend is very different. True friends build a dependable and enjoyable relationship with each other. These relationships are unconditionally bonded based on such things as trust, loyalty, reassurance, dependability, values, commonality, reliability and good-willed enjoyment. It's making a wanting and conscious effort to nurture and maintain these relationships. This includes encouragement and support through all the good times, bad times, sad times and the unfortunate horrific times. Real friends pay attention to the small things. True friends genuinely appreciate spending time with each other and will always have the courage to tell the truth, even when it hurts. They will genuinely be there through thick and thin. They will motivate and encourage each other. If needed, they will sacrifice their blood, sweat, and tears. A true friend is someone who truly wants to bring the best out of you and see you achieve while wanting nothing in return. Through it all, a true friend will always stand by your side and will have your back.

So make the right decisions in your life. Misjudging who you let in as a friend is unhealthy and dangerous to your well-being and self-esteem. Despite who we communicate with, we naturally forecast expectations on these relationships. We must ensure these expectations are both realistic and not rushed in their development. Spending time with the wrong ones will drain the valuable time you should be spending with the right ones. They will suck the life out of you and will damper both your quality of life and enjoyment.

Although we start our careers thinking that everyone is or should be a friend, we learn the truth as we mature and experience life's highways. To have a better quality of life, develop the skills to determine who is a friend and who is not. This will give you more time to spend your energy and attention on your genuine relationships. It’s worth the effort to learn the differences because you will live a more enriched and enjoyable life.

As always, God bless and stay safe...